I should know. My baby just turned 4.
Babies growing up is one of the most bittersweet of the human experiences. I’d personally call it the most bittersweet, though I know the experience is different for everyone. One minute you’re staring into a tiny, squishy, perfect face you’ve waited 40 weeks to see, then before you know it you’ve change 3.89 million diapers and your tiny little squish is having complete conversations, pondering the world around her, and demanding her favorite breakfast at 4:30 am.
I spent my childhood dreaming of being a mom. Once my husband and I were married, I was even more excited at the thought of having our own family. Two and a half years later, we were waiting for Big Sister to arrive. No one can truly prepare you for parenthood… but they’ll sure try. The one thing I was told more often than anything else was how quickly my baby would grow up. I understood what was meant by that, and that it was well-intentioned, but by the time Big Sister arrived it had been drilled into my head so much that I was literally panicked over it. In those early, crazy-hormonal days I used to stare at her and sob because the baby I waited so long for was disappearing a little bit every day.
Oy. No mom deserves that.
I had been “warned” so much that she was going to grow, like it was something awful instead of a sign that I was doing a great job as a new mom. As I’m sure you can guess, Big Sister grew and changed and developed just like she was supposed to. And the more she did, the less scary it became. It does seem to happen quickly, and it’s bittersweet. But man, I didn’t need the most heartbreaking aspect of being a mother emphasized to me on repeat while I waited for my first baby to be born. To this day, I never tell a mom that her children will grow up quickly. She already knows, or she’ll figure it out on her own soon enough.
On Friday, Baby Sister, our third and youngest daughter, turned 4 years old. Like most moms, I feel like that happened unbelievably fast. And like most other moms, every year that passes is bittersweet for me as our last baby becomes less and less of a baby. Bless her sweet little heart, she can’t stand when someone is upset so when I make sad faces about her getting bigger she grabs me around my neck and gives me a bunch of kisses until I smile. She has promised me dozens of times over the past several months leading up to her birthday that she is still my baby, and will still be my baby forever. Darn right. Although it’s hard to let go of the baby stage for good and accept that my tiny girl is getting bigger, she sure softens the blow with her incredible personality. She is the most easy-going, loving and totally goofy child I’ve ever met. She adores her big sisters. Just like they’ve spoiled her by making sure she doesn’t have to cry over anything, she is the first to attend to anyone who might be feeling sad. She has always believed that she’s capable of everything her big sisters can do making her brave and confident. She makes the best faces with her huge blue eyes. She has taught us so much about parenting and stretched the capacity of our hearts beyond measure.
Try as we might, there’s no stopping those tiny loves of our lives from growing up at alarming rates. I think if we only had one child, I might still be devastated that my baby isn’t a baby anymore. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts my heart a bit. But having been through this with Big Sister, and Little Sister before, I have the fortunate experience of knowing that as your baby grows up you get an amazing little kid, followed by an awesome big kid. The reality is that your babies, regardless of their age, never stop filling your heart with pride and awe. When they outgrow one stage (diapers- woohoo!), they start another and amaze you all over again. Yes it’s a little bitter, but it’s also so very sweet. I absolutely adore the eager, confident kid Little Sister has become, and the kind and caring young lady Big Sister has become. We’ve learned for sure to soak up all the baby days while they’re here and appreciate how fleeting they are, but we also learned that we don’t have to be heartbroken that our babies are growing up. When we shift our perspective to one of celebration that our children are growing, instead of one of lamentation, it helps us to enjoy each stage and each day with our littles. There is so much to love about every stage, and I’d never want to miss out because of pining for days gone by.
Be present today. Celebrate where they are today.
Happy 4th birthday, Baby Sister!
